thoughts on pregnancy and upcoming motherhood

i have never felt so unprepared for something in my entire life. eight months down and just under two to go, and i'm starting to panic. i've always been a procrastinator, so i shouldn't be surprised that i'm feeling this way at this point in time. i've always crammed for midterms and finals the night before and somehow done well on them, but i'm pretty sure that that method of functioning/living doesn't work when it comes to preparing for being a parent :(. 

for starters, the due date is never exact. little L could come three weeks early or eight days late, and he'd still be right on time. if he's anything like me, though, he'll be a little late :). but honestly, sometimes i feel like everything's going along smoothly in pregnancy land as it should, and, at other times, like right at this moment (in a hormone rage, perhaps?), i am overwhelmed by how much ihaven't done to prepare. i haven't completely read one of the seven plus books on pregnancy that are quickly collecting dust on my shelves, but i didn't read most of my books in school, either, so why am i surprised??? i haven't taken half the pics i thought i'd want to take or written all the blog and journal entries i thought i would. the list goes on...

as i reflect now, though, i realise that i've subconsciously avoided writing because i've thought that most of my pregnancy feelings have been negative ones that i didn't even want to admit to myself, much less the rest of the world. i dreamed of being, longed to be pregnant for so many years of my life and was just sure that it'd be the most magical unicorn experience, but it's frankly been quite the opposite for me. the first trimester was filled with nausea and extreme tiredness, and just when everyone said i'd start feeling better, i didn't; i started feeling worse. backaches, feet aches, excess swelling and pain in my feet and legs, and so much pain in my buttocks at night that i need sleeping pills in order to function like a normal human being. i've even had to go on sick leave from work! yeah, that's been my pregnancy.

but somehow, leg cramps and achiness aside, listening to his rapid little heartbeat at our midwife visits and feeling his tiny feet kick my ribs and bladder always make me smile and tear up...well almost always. sometimes i just want to go back to sleep. or sometimes i just wish i had a change of underwear because that swift kick just caused a few drops of pee to leak out :P.

i suppose that i've just had 1,029 subconscious expectations for what pregnancy was going to be like--can i blame hollywood here??--and as each of those thoughts and ideas gets squelched, i get disappointed in myself. suddenly, without warning, the jordana who's worked as a professional nanny and taken care of kids for years and who's never had trouble juggling her schedule and keeping up with several other people's schedules can't remember on which cycle to wash clothes or at which bus stop to get off. i'm not used to not having it all together. yes, that was a double negative. i am the girl who's always had her own life organised and has even been paid to organise others', and yet, out of nowhere, my life feels confusing and unorganised and semi-chaotic--i can partly blame that on our very recent move across town--and before i know it, i'm going to be pushing out a new little person into the world who will be in my care, and what if i still don't have "it" together??? 

there, i said it. i revealed my current greatest fear that keeps tumbling around in my head: i am afraid that for perhaps the first time in my life, i won't be totally prepared and in control. but as those words spill out on cyber "paper," i am reminded that i have really never been in control. oh, don't get me wrong; i've tried to be and failed miserably at it, but i handed over control of my life to Jesus Christ a good 25 years ago, and there's no better place it could be! whew! what a relief! seriously, acknowledging that it's Jesus who's Lord of my life and that it's he who's created the life that's growing inside of me is incredibly freeing! i don't have to be superwoman or supermom or any other self-made superhero. i just need to be me and trust that just as God prepared the israelites to enter the promised land--i've been reading through the pentateuch over the past two months--he's preparing me to be a mom and my precious husband who has very little experience with kids to be an amazing dad. even if we read 127 books on pregnancy and how to be prepared, we still wouldn't be perfect and truly "ready." honestly, how can you ever truly be prepared for being sprayed in the face with pee or having to listen to constant wailing for three hours at a time without wanting to scream yourself??

there are a few things, however, that i realise that i do want and plan to do in the very near future. i have decided that i'm going to read through the simple, to-the-point book the midwife gave us and be content with that accomplishment. i will make sure that we take a few more belly pics over the next few weeks as rapid changes happen to my body, and, heck, we'll even have a professional photo shoot to celebrate! i will continue to go to my midwife appointments and the preparing-to-be-a-parent courses with suppe. i will contine to share my hopes and fears with him. i will continue to get accupuncture to help with the pain in my booty. i will continue to wear compression tights (even though i hate them) and sleep with my body pillow and the other 12 pillows that have taken over our bed. i will continue to take my pregnant vitamins and do my best to eat healthily and to continue my water aerobics for pregnant chicks. and, well, i will continue to organise and reorganise little L's room because that's what i do :). finally, i will be gracious to myself (perhaps the hardest step of all!!) and remind myself that i am not super pregnant woman and that i will never be supermom and that that's really okay. really. if God can forgive me for all the ridiculous things i do, then i can surely forgive myself!

oh yeah, i'm gonna make sure that suppe and i pack our bag to take to the hospital this weekend, too. i arrived several weeks early and little L could do the same. and then i'm going to enjoy the season that is upon us now and live in the moment as much as possible. i'm going to attend my second baby shower hosted by my bestie cathy, celebrate thanksgiving (swede-american style) without being interrupted by a crying baby, go to a few Christmas markets, throw a party or two, and rest and enjoy what i can of the remainder of my pregnancy. my life is about to be turned upside down...and that's a good thing. 

scrumptious oatmeal pancakes :P

so, we try not to plan saturday mornings if we can help it. it just adds a little extra joy to life. the non-planning includes what to eat as well, but as we normally like to create something special on saturday mornings, we try to have ingredients on hand. and this past saturday, i was oh so glad that we did!

i woke up feeling like pancakes, and as we were out of applesauce, i couldn't make our then favourite apple-buttermilk pancakes, so i went to my trusty self-compiled recipe book to see what i could find. once again, i ran across a recipe for oatmeal pancakes a friend had given me two years ago (!!!) that i had never tried because is says that oats must soak in buttermilk overnight. let's be honest. how many of us EVER plan the night before to make pancakes for breakfast the next morning. well, not this girl, anyway.

nonetheless, i bravely decided to attempt the recipe with quick oats and self-made buttermilk (see below), and they turned out FABULOUSLY!!

want the recipe? of course you do! we even made our own homemade blueberry syrup on the fly to go along with them, and it was divine! (frozen blueberries and baking syrup, quantity and sweetness as desired)

OATMEAL PANCAKES, 2 large servings (4 large pancakes)

2 c/4,75 dl quick oats

2 c/4,75 dl buttermilk (make your own by adding 1 tablespoon of vinegar OR lemon juice to each cup of milk. note, however, that consistency will not be as thick as buttermilk, so you might need to adjust by adding just a pinch more flour to your recipe)

2 eggs

1/2 c/1,2 dl flour* (add more as needed to gain desired consistency if you're using "homemade" buttermilk)

1/4 c/4 tablespoons sugar (we used raw, fair trade)

1 t baking powder

1 t baking soda

1 t cinnamon

1/2 t cardemom (if desired)

1/2 t nutmeg (if desired...we like our pancakes spicy!)

a drop of vanilla flavouring (if desired)

pinch of salt

a handful of chopped walnuts or pecans if desired (we used walnuts)

butter for frying :)

1) soak oats and buttermilk in a container by themselves while you prepare remaining ingredients.

2) mix wet ingredients separately

3) mix dry ingredients separately

4) mix all ingredients together, and make pancakes to desired size, frying on medium heat.

5) ENJOY!

i am not glowing. i just have oily skin

sure, maybe my hair's a little thicker, my nails are growing quicker, my skin is glowing--honestly, it's always been oily, and it still is--i have a more acute sense of smell, and my breasts are larger, but frankly, i had all that going for me BEFORE i got pregnant 4.5 months ago :). it's all of the other "symptoms" that come along with being pregnant that i'm not so sure about. 

i sneeze at least once a day for several minutes at a time. if i'm lucky, i'm awake when that happens. otherwise, i get awakened from my already not-so-deep sleep. oh, yeah, what's that? aren't i supposed to be sleep-deprived AFTER the baby arrives? sure, i expected that the last month or so would be tricky with a huge belly to contend with, but now??? i frequently wake up with heart palpatations due to psycho, and i do mean psycho dreams. before pregnancy, i dreamt of everyday life, basic things. in fact, i didn't even regularly remember my dreams. now, it's people chasing me with knives and all sorts of craziness. and as if that wasn't enough, i pee...a LOT. last night, i peed four times between the hours of 9.30 and 12 when i should have been SLEEPING! did you drink lots of coffee or tea or water before bed?, you might ask. NO! i'm just pregnant. and some nights, i either awaken super early--don't get me wrong, i love early mornings, but 4 is WAY too early--or just can't fall asleep (last night, i was awake until past 2!!). part of the sleep deprivation is that i can't get comfortable; i feel like every bone in my body aches, and i don't know how to make it stop. ironically, however, falling asleep at random times during the day is no problem at all because i am constantly exhausted...

oh yeah, there was also the kidney stone i was rushed to the ER with a few weeks ago (2 days after arriving in NC to begin our summer holiday stateside). apparently those can be caused by prenatal vitamins. just stop taking them! you might say. oh, no. they're necessary. why does no one tell you these things?!?!? maybe because everyone would just want to adopt if they knew :). 

seriously, i'm struggling. it was one thing to know that the first trimester would be tricky and not so fun because of morning sickness, which in my case was a combination of all-day, i-constantly-feel-like-i'm-going-to-puke-but-i-won't and i'm-starving-regardless-of-whether-or-not-i've-just-eaten sickness, but it's a whole other playing field when you realise that there's no magical cut off line with the trimesters. the first has flowed into the second without much change, so i've yet to experience the so-called "honeymoon phase" (really? that exists??). i still can't stomach the thoughts of rice, bulgar, couscous, or barley, all of which were favourite grains of mine until the all-day sickness started. WHY?!? 

and i haven't even mentioned the hormonal issues. i haven't really had any crazy flip-out moments--not that i ever needed to be pregnant for that to happen ;)--but i just feel very unlike myself and constantly irritable over stupid things. i was craving a sausage, egg, and cheese mcmuffin (and i don't even like mcdonald's) while we were on holiday in savannah, and when i opened my sandwich and found it void of egg, i cried. i sat in the parking lot and cried. and the thing is, one part of my brain was telling me that a lack of egg on my breakfast sandwich was no glass of spilt milk, but the hormonal side of my brain took over. ridiculous. my precious husband--a saint through all this, i tell you!!--patiently and calmly walked back into mcdonald's to get me some egg while i sat in the car and let the tears flow. on top of all my other pregnancy woes, the lack of egg at that moment was just too much for me to handle.

the ironic truth is, though, that i've wanted to be a mom for as long as i can remember. i had more cabbage patch kids--remember those??--than i can count, and i've always loved babies and the thought of having one (or more) of my own. but now that i'm here, in this process of God creating life inside me, i just feel like crying...a lot. so far, it's not what i thought it would be, and i'm really struggling with disappointment. don't get me wrong; i WANT this baby very much, and i have so much love to give him/her, and i certainly didn't expect to be a "magical pregnancy unicorn"--watch "What to Epect When You're Expecting" if you haven't :)--but i didn't expect THIS. i didn't expect to be so disappointed when i have a healthy baby growing inside of me for whom i've longed for what seems like my whole life.  

that said, i'm just trying to wrap my head (and my disappointed heart) around that fact that pregnancy isn't dreamy...not yet, anyway, and maybe it never will be for me. i don't have a cute basketball/watermelon belly (and i'm sure that my stomach will never look like that, unfortunately), but instead some other alien-like tummy; i only eat certain foods; i'm constantly exhausted and hungry; headaches and heartburn seem to be standard these days; my body makes all sorts of foreign noises you don't want to know about; and exerting myself beyond walking down the street makes me breathless. 

so far, that's what pregnancy is like for me. if you're out there, and you're feeling anything similar to what i am, then i hope you realise that you're not alone. i'd love to chat with you or pray with you over life as we know it. if you are one of those magical pregnancy unicorns, congratulations! don't talk to me until mid-january...when my precious little one has arrived and i've long forgotten my present-day woes :).

in the meantime, i'm trying to focus on the fact that our baby is healthy, that God has blessed me with a husband who loves me with what can only be described as holy love, and that God's grace is so much greater than all my griping and complaining. here's to the beginning of an early countdown to one of the best gifts God could give us! can't wait for THIS to be over and for our precious little one to arrive! 

slow-cooker teriyaki pork

okay, by now we all realise that i love to cook and that i should have been food blogging long ago. it's just too much fun. this recipe, however, has not been mastered by me but by my fabulous husband who is often handed recipes that involve the preparation and cooking of raw meats. yes, i'm that girl :). we've tried the recipe several times now, and we're equally delighted every time, which is confirmed by lots of "MMM" sounds floating around the room :P. super simple and easy. we usually serve it with crispy potato wedges or whole grain basmati rice and a salad. last night, though, i made some super yummy zucchini chips on the fly :D.  ENJOY!

serves 4-6 
INGREDIENTS (measurements in English and Swedish):

• 2 tbsp/msk olive oil
• 2 lbs/1 kg pork loin (the cheaper and fatter the cut, the better, actually. think BBQ)
• 1/2 c/1 dl teriyaki sauce
• 1/4 c/0,5 dl brown sugar (farinsocker)
• 1 c/2,5 dl chicken broth (kycklingbuljong)
• 4 cloves garlic, chopped
• 3 fresh red chile peppers, finely chopped
• 1 small onion, chopped
• pinch/nypa black pepper

DIRECTONS

1. Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Brown pork on all sides, which, depending on the cut of meat you use, should take 5-10 mins. Meanwhile, mix together teriyaki sauce, chicken broth, and brown sugar in a small bowl.

2. If you're a) using a large cast iron pot (like a LeCrueset), you can brown the pork and then add in the teriyaki mix, chiles, onion, and pepper at this point. Otherwise, b) transfer all ingredients to your slow-cooker. 

3. a) Put the pot in the oven at 165 C/325 F, and let bake a few hours; turn 2-3 times to ensure even doneness. When the pork falls into pieces, it's done :). b) Cook on High in the slow-cooker for about 4 hours. 

Sadly, I don't have a picture of this culinary delight to share, but if you just imagine the best BBQ you've ever had and how it looked, this is better :P. 

homemade chicken enchiladas and fredagsmys

while we're on the recipes kick, last week i went into google land in search of a recipe that would enable me to use up the cottage cheese that i had randomly purchased but failed to use. my search surprisingly lead me to the absolute best chicken enchiladas i have ever eaten, EVER. as most swedes don't even know what enchiladas are, i have never been able to find enchilada sauce in the stores here. and i must note that most swedes refer to all things mexican as "tacos". "tacos" have even become the national choice food for the incredibly swedish concept of "fredagsmys," loosely translated as "cosy fridays," friday evenings that generally consist of staying in, making dinner with friends and/or family, watching movies and/or playing games, and eating chips and/or candy. cosy, huh? :P and don't get me started on the extreme lack of authentic mexican food in this country. some days, i don't know how i'm gonna survive ;).

wow, that spiraled out of control! anyway, so i was basically forced to make my own sauce to accompany these delectable enchiladas, creating quite a bit more work for me, but OH, OH, OH! it was sooooooo worth the effort!

i made them in advance, so my husband and i both ate them first for lunch the next day. just after i'd eaten mine and ooh'ed and ahh'ed over them for half an hour, i got a text from him saying that i had made him the best lunch box he'd ever had :)! these little pieces of heaven were the result:

now you really want the recipe, right? well, you can check it out here: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Cottage-Cheese-Chicken-Enchiladas/Detail.aspx

as usual, i made slight modifications: less cheese on top; whole wheat flour tortillas; light crème fraiche instead of sour cream; and enchilada spices instead of taco seasoning mix. and the crazy thing is that after chopping the chicken in the food processor, i started filling the tortillas without frying the meat and adding the spices. NO PROBLEM! i just sprinkled some of the spice into the whole mixture and added some fresh sprigs of coriander/cilantro (as we're slightly obsessed with it), and they turned out FABULOUSLY! i even had some extra spice mix left over, so i used it to season my whole grain & black rice with black beans side dish i whipped up, and it was SUPER yummy! :P 

one modification i should mention, though, is one i read in the comments of the recipe. using my scrumptious homemade enchilada sauce, i covered the base of my 9x13 dish and then basically covered each tortilla with sauce (inside and out) to keep everything juicy and flavourful...so glad i did! not a cruncy bit of tortilla to be found!

oh yeah, i also made a few changes to enchilada sauce; what else is new? i didn't have any ancho chiles at home, so i used the regular chiles that i did have and added in some chipotle sauce and smoked paprika spice that i had on had to give it that lovely smokey taste. and since the half-full tube of tomato paste i had at home wasn't quite enough, i threw in a handfull of sun-dried tomatoes and puréed away! perfect! (i love improvising in the kitchen; keeps life exciting!) :)

happy creating!

chorizo and other randomness

okay, so i SERIOUSLY need to start blogging more frequently. thank you, sister, for helping me realise that!!

i think i got bogged down with thinking that i had to write something profound everytime i posted. well, if you know me well enough, then you know that that doesn't happen all too frequently. i'm way too practical to be profound! :P

and then the other day i started to look up a recipe for some dish i'd made awhile back, and i remembered that i'd taken a pic of it and put it up on FB. and i thought, why don't i have some sort of food blog?? but i obviously can't have several blogs if i have trouble keeping up with one. THEREFORE, i have come to the conclusion that this blog is going to be all about whatever the heck i feel like writing at the moment. how freeing!!! so watch out. this is your warning. there could be everything from deep theology to a quirky thought to a random recipe to all the miraculous things i see God doing in everyday life. you just never know...;)

we'll start with something easy like chorizo. see, my fabulous husband and i try to sit down together once a week and plan out the week's menu; it's honestly fun and it seriously saves us heaps of money. we're all about saving money and being wise with the resources with which the Lord has blessed us AND all about creating good, healthy, exciting food, so it's just what we do.

anyway, there was a deal on chorizo and other spicy sausages this week, so my smart man said that we should make this recipe we tried at a dinner party with friends (after first eating it at our friends' cathy and gustaf's) that we just loved. barley, chorizo, pears, red onion, balsamic vinegar...it's healthy and the perfect blend of sweet and spicy. unfortunately i don't have a great picture of it, but you get the idea. we generally serve it with salad greens on the side, and this time around, we had hearty muffins with zucchini and feta cheese to boot...nice!

this pic from www.recept.nu where we found the recipe--mine recipe is a bit modified, of course--is much better and enables you to get a better look :).

so, here it comes, european measurements and all. if you're an american reading this, convert or learn the metric system. it's so much better, simpler, smarter, and easier. enjoy!

Ingredienser

• 150 g rökt sidfläsk, skuret i tärningar (salt pork, chopped into small pieces)...we actually omit this ingredient. totally unnecessary, and that's saying a lot since we love bacon so much!
• 3 st päron, urkärnade och klyftade (3 pears, deseeded and sliced into wedges)
• 2 st små rödlökar, finhackad (2 small red onions (or one large), diced)...we normally slice them into pretty strips instead :)
• 1 msk rapsolja (1 tbsp rapeseed oil)...we normally use olive oil
• 0.5 dl balsamvinäger (.5 dl balsamic vinegar)
• 4 st chorizo (eller annan smakrik korv) (4 chorizo or another spicy sausage, sliced into small wedges)
• 4 dl okokt matvete (uncooked barley)
• 100 g plocksallad, till exempel ruccola, mangoldskott, machésallad (salad greens, i.e. arugula, maché, baby spinach) 
• 0.5 kruka färsk timjan, bladen plockas från kvistarna (1/2 cup fresh thyme, leaves only)
• havssalt och svartpeppar (sea salt and black pepper)
• ev hyvlad eller riven parmesan (eller annan smakrik ost) (sliced parmesan or another flavourful cheese)

Gör så här

1. Stek chorizon tills de får en fin stekyta. Lägg åt siden. 

2. Koka matvetet enligt förpackningen och låt stå. 

3. Fräs rödlök och päron på svag värme i olivolja ett par minuter. De ska inte få färg utan bara mjukna något. Salta och peppra och slå slutligen på balsamvinägern. Låt allt koka samman i någon minut. 

4. Blanda samman balsamicofräs, matvete och chorizo med valfri plocksallad och färskplockad timjan. Smaka av med havssalt och svartpeppar och servera eventuellt med hyvlad parmesan.

Instructions in English

1. Fry the chorizo until golden. Place to the side. 

2. Cook the barley according to directions on package and then let stand.

3. Sautée onion and pear in olive oil on medium-low heat until soft. Add balsamic vinegar and let everything cook together a few mins until the vinegar dissolves. Add salt and pepper if needed. 

4. Blend together barley, chorizo, and the balsamic mixture and then toss in thyme and salad--we normally serve the salad on the side to keep things fresher just in case there are leftovers!--Add sliced parmesan.

an update, of sorts, on my life as a missionary in stockholm...

several people have asked me lately exactly what i do as a missionary. here in sweden, missionaries are not common, and what you do is often equated with who you are. may i remind us all, however, that our identities are in Christ alone and who He has created us to be and never in a job or task or any thing. but sometimes i forget that myself. i get caught up in what society thinks. sometimes i find it very easy to answer the question posed by others, and sometimes it's a bit more difficult. lately, it's been difficult. i have succumbed to satan's lies that what i do doesn't matter or that God's not using me or that i'm not where i'm supposed to be or that i don't have a real job. but just in the nick of time, God sends people like berit* my way. she came into my office to meet with a psychologist but was used by God in the process! she came and signed in for her appointment and then, just as she was turning to leave, said, "you are always so kind. you are the right person for this job, at the right place at the right time." wow! thank you, Jesus, for speaking through that sweet woman.

other than working as a part-time administrator at a local psychiatric office, i do a lot of other administrating within church ministry. what really moves my heart and brings me deep, God joy, though, is developing and strengthening relationships. i get the greatest high from entering into intimate conversations with friends, co-workers, and strangers about the greatness and complexity that is a personal relationship with Jesus.

let me tell you about veronika*. we met and worked together for only one year, but we spent endless mornings discussing everything from life's daily struggles to meeting Jesus in the midst of sorrow and crisis. i loved spending time with veronika. we've kept in touch since God called me elsewhere, and we recently met for lunch. at one point during the fantastic conversation, she shared with me that her daughter has become very interested in Christianity, that she's started participating in some activities in the local church, AND that they've started reading the Bible at home! my heart soared! moments later, as our chat led into faith and what it really means to believe in and to have a personal relationship with Jesus, veronika said that she desperately wanted to believe but that she's afraid that she won't be able to keep it up, that she'll give into doubt. oh, satan, you're so crafty with your lies. i responded that faith was a decision and that even the "strongest" believers, if they're honest with themselves and God, have moments, sometimes even long periods, of doubt. we are still human after all...please pray for veronika and that God's Word will become living and active in her home and family as they read it and that she will dare to believe!

then there's denise*. we work together three days a week and share our frustrations and moments of joy together throughout the day. just before easter, we had a long talk about demons, the afterlife, faith, church, creation, God in psychology...you know, things everyone talks about on the job :P. she came with question after question, amazed that Christians didn't have to be boring and so far-removed from the real world as so many swedes think that they are (and often with good reason). after hours of talking with her about these things, i was filled with joy. our relationship had reached a new level of intimacy, and it was beautiful!

two days ago, after dealing with a difficult situation between myself and one of the doctors here (which had taken it's toll on me over the past month), said doctor "randomly" approached me in the hallway with a smile (instead of the usual avoidance) and said that he was sorry for things that had happened and misunderstandings that had ensued and that he hoped that we could work things out. that in itself was the answer to a prayer that i'd been praying for weeks. but what really brought joy to my heart was the conversation that ensued with denise afterward. she had overheard my conversation with the doctor and surprisedly asked how that came about. 

"well, it's the answer to my prayer," i said quite frankly. 

she then, of course, wanted to know what i meant by that and what i'd prayed. that question was followed by, "do you pray for me?"

"of course," i answered.

she placed her hands across her chest as a huge smile lit up her face. "really? what do you pray?"

"well, i pray that God will bless you...and i pray that you'll soon have a personal relationship with Jesus because i believe that you want one." (oh my goodness! did i REALLY just say that???)

her entire face aglow, she replied, "i do want that! i do!"

then a patient came in, and our exciting conversation was paused, but it WILL continue :). pray that denise's heart will indeed be open and that she'll invite Jesus in!

i have also spent quite a bit of time recently with a group of short-term missionaries from palm beach atlantic university in florida who are here working with our church. they've shared their hearts with me and why they're here, why they want to reach swedes, and i've shared my passion for reaching swedes, what's effective here and what's not, and the crazy story of how God called me here. and every time i meet with them, i get excited...excited about how God is using them, excited that people's eyes are being opened to how desperately sweden needs to be exposed to the real, unconditional, unfathomable, grace-filled love of Christ. it fills me with hope, hope that God hasn't given up on his precious children here in sweden, and that makes my heart sing. 

tomorrow i'm joining the team as they once again enter into the local high school on the island of kungsholmen (where we have a church plant), serve breakfast sandwiches and coffee to the students, and chat with them about all things under the sun. then we'll invite them to a café night we're hosting on saturday in the church and pray that they come so that we can delve into more intimate relationships with them. please pray for us!

hope, grace, and the love of Christ over you! thanks for reading and especially for praying!

*names changed to protect privacy.