yeah, it's been awhile. it's been way too long, in fact. and of course the day i actually sit down in front of the computer long enough to write, i can barely move my left hand. no, nothing is broken. i just had a bit of blood drawn today. no, i take that back. i was supposed to have blood drawn today. the oh-so-friendly nurse who greeted me when i walked into the lab waiting room to take a queuing number said--this whole scenario occurred in swedish, but i'll save you time and translate :)--"um, we're not taking anyone else today." "yes, well, the doctor sent me up here to you and said that you would see me," i replied. "hmm," she said as she closed the door to the lab. long story short: after she unsuccessfully stuck me in each arm, she stuck my left hand, which didn't produce what she considered to be enough blood into her little vile but which shot it out like a cracked water pipe when she removed it. nice. i'll allow you to keep the last meal you ate down by not including a photo and just say this: i have a wretchedly obscene blue bruise-welt on my hand shaped like italy that makes typing a blast! thank you.
but really, that's not why i thought i should blog today. or the day before. or the day before that. or someday last week. i want to blog because i have a lot on my heart. but take a breath. i won't put it all in one blog entry. trust me, that's a relief for all of us!
what i do want to write about today is God's grace and provision. they're not exactly the same thing, but i think they're pretty closely linked. for instance, we don't deserve all the blessings God gives us, but he loves us, and he pours out grace over us, and in that beautifully inexplicable process, he provides for needs we sometimes don't even know we have.
that's how it was with suppe. i'm madly in love with him (no, that doesn't mean that he escapes from driving me totally mad some days :P), but i am constantly made aware of how God knew so much better than me--just look at my previous boyfriend choices for proof there; sorry guys--that he was exactly what i needed in a husband. God knew that i needed a man who would just envelope me and love me without words all the times that i felt that my world was falling apart (yes, i know that i can be a bit of a drama queen at times). he knew that i would need a man who wouldn't scream back at me or walk away from me in my random moments of anger (although the not screaming back can sometimes irritate me even more...i'm just being honest here). i see so much Jesus in suppe and the way he (and HE) loves me that it's almost incomprehensible...
but then there are times that we are acutely aware of our needs (occasionally leading to other moments of freaking out) and wonder if God will indeed "supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4.19). and, honestly, i want to kick myself every time i wonder and doubt that because the truth is that God is ALWAYS faithful to me (and you!!) even when we don't deserve it!
i'll give you an example from three weeks ago. suppe and i were looking over our finances and realised that we had just enough money to buy groceries for the next few days. we didn't panic, but i'll admit that the feeling was a little scary. why should it be, though?? hours later, i talked with my best girl linds about the stress of living as a missionary/part-time administrator (and full-time student) and not making lots of money. moments later, her friend who had made a promise to God to give away $500 within a certain amount of time and who still had $200 to give away to someone in need just decided to give it to us! just like that! straight into my paypal account! WHAT A BLESSING! he doesn't even know us!!
oh, and it doesn't stop there it never does. i could give you countless stories of how God always provides for us, and my mom as well as a lot of strangers are included in quite a few of those! a few days later, we had a guest speaker/teacher/preacher in our church with whom i talked and prayed after the service. i walked away from that prayer time truly blessed, but God wanted to heap on the blessing! while i was speaking with another girl from his team, he slipped 1000 kronor (that's about $140) in cash in suppe's pocket!! wow! wow!
that's what i mean when i say that grace and provision go hand in hand. they do. we don't deserve the grace and goodness of God, but he lavishes it out on us in incredible ways and always just in the form of blessing we need. believe it. it's true. don't let satan tell you otherwise, because he's trying really hard to make you believe anything but the truth! but that's a whole other topic for another day...
oooh, i just thought of what i want to write about tomorrow. yes, i said it. i want to write tomorrow! hallelujah! stay tuned! and be aware of the Lord's blessings, grace, and provision in your life today!